life and death

I wish I knew the words to use to describe how I am feeling.
Sometimes I feel like I am at a crossroads; the only two choices are life and death.
I just am not finding I have a purpose in this life.

Most of the time I feel pushed aside by people because they have other priorities in their lives and taking two minutes to interact with me is too much of a burden for them. I've given up reaching out to people and interacting with them. The only thing I have to offer to anyone is my time - I guess to many that has no value. Valueless, which means I am valueless.

I haven't been writing much because when I write it seems like the tears flow. When I am just existing I am relatively not sad, although I can't really say that I am happy. As soon as I think about writing, my mind wanders to every aspect of my life and feelings are triggered.

Maybe it is the culmination of grief.

Grief over good that was once in my life and no longer is part of my life.
Grief over bad that was in my life, although overcome, not behind me yet.

This just feels like a crossroad; the only two choices are life and death.

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