As if I never mattered

In a matter of moments, I lost a group of friends over words that may have been harsh, but true. I started playing a game of their choice. A game I've never played, but was willing to give it a go. I purchased the game after a brief trial and set out on a new adventure. I didn't learn much during the trial because instead of being able to figure things out, I was just following along with someone. This time, I was on my own.  I'd leveled my character to almost 19 and was very proud of my accomplishment. Two of my friends asked where I was at on the map. I let them know and shortly they joined me.  I thought to myself, "hmm, it's a solo quest and these other quests don't really need help."  I finished the quest and went to turn it in.  I was told, don't worry about turning it in, we can do that later.  I wanted to turn it in because I was finished with the area and they had told me we were leaving the area.  I turned it in.

We went to an area called a fate. I couldn't really fight as the fate was about 10 levels higher than my character. I was feeling overwhelmed, as my character was getting experience points and most of my hits were misses. After doing three of these fates and raising the level of my character 1 level to 20, I let them know I had to continue on my quests.  What I heard next was the beginning of the end.


"We got Deejay to almost 20 and Abbye to 20. We'll have them to 30 by the weekend," was what was said. What was going on in my head was someone just took credit for getting me to 20 when I had worked all day getting my character to 19.  I calmly let them know I didn't want to raise my character so quickly, I wanted to do the quests.  They kept telling me that I could do the quests later. This is when my voice got louder, I said NO. I want to do the quests. They repeated the same thing - "that's not the way WE are leveling you up!" I said, "You're not listening!! It's MY Character to play and not yours!!." I then said, "I better go for now" and I left voice chat.

That is all that was said.  The next day, I went back to voice chat and the tension was so thick.  I asked if this person was mad with me.  They said, No. I stayed another 30 minutes, but wasn't spoken to and felt very uncomfortable. I wanted to make it right, but was now at a loss. I'm under a tremendous amount of stress and didn't need this additional stress. I decided to not play the game or talk on voice until I could gain control of my emotions.

Less than a week passed and I talked with my close friend to let him know what was happening.  Someone else was on voice chat, but afk at the time. My friend explained some of the mechanics of the game to me. I thought I would give it another go. I let him know I probably wouldn't be on voice chat for awhile. I thought all was good and I'd find my way back to the group, in time.

Instead, one of the group members, who I thought was a friend, deleted me that night on word that I blamed him for spoiling my game. I never said that. We had this communication after the fact:


On March 9, 2018 9:34 AM, He wrote
Word I heard is you blame me for spoiling your game and you no longer want to speak in teamspeak. This is all on you Abbey. Sorry for trying to help you out. You stormed out asking to leave you alone on game. I did that. 


On Mar 9, 2018 10:09 AM, I wrote:
1) I don't understand how you were trying to help me out. 
2) When Mass said to me - We are going to level you up - I said I wanted to do my quests and it was my game to play and I better go for now and left.  I've never played this game before and don't want to speed level and that is what both of you were trying to do to my character. That is helping me how? I want to explore and learn - just like you did. 
3) I came back on ts the following day and you made me feel very uncomfortable - I even asked you about it - It hurts to be around people that don't want to be around me.
4) I like people for who they are and apparently you don't like who I am.  That's OK.

I won't bother you anymore. All the best.


On March 9, 2018 1:11 PM, He wrote:  

You were very rude when you left. All you needed to say was hey guys, I'd prefer to level alone. Both mass and myself found how you departed very immature. I play the game for no drama. If I have to deal with arguing, hissy fits then I'll quit.  We're were not trying to push you along but help kill. You will find this game cannot be done solo. Enjoy the alone time while you can because it won't last. I never talked the next morning because quite simply.. I don't like being treated that way. You want respect.. then give the same. You want to continue the game by all means, but I will not offer assistance once I have been told to leave you alone.   I play to relax and have fun. I have helped mass as he simply cant survive some stuff alone. Deejay as well. I truthfully have never in all my game playing had a response like yours. So sorry if you feel offended by my attitude but once again.. you initiated this response.  

I never responded, but if I did this is what it would look like:

You were very rude when you left. I left by saying I have to go for now. How is that rude? All you needed to say was hey guys, I'd prefer to level alone. I didn't say anything about leveling alone. I did nicely say twice, I want to do my quests as I am leveling. Both of you were ignoring what I was saying, hence I shouted, "You're NOT Listening to me" Both mass and myself found how you departed very immature. I knew I had to leave quickly as I didn't want to say anything that I would regret. I felt ambushed in the game and was beginning to feel ganged up on in teamspeak. I play the game for no drama. If I have to deal with arguing, hissy fits then I'll quit. It was drama you guys were creating - yet I'm not afforded those same options? We're were not trying to push you along but help kill. You weren't helping me kill anything I needed. I was even asked to give my share of the spoils to Mass. Again, how is this helping me? Why would he say, we will have them to 30 by the weekend? You will find this game cannot be done solo. Again, I never said I wanted to play alone. Enjoy the alone time while you can because it won't last. If you were interested in helping me, you would have gotten a character near my level and help me in what I was doing. I never talked the next morning because quite simply.. I don't like being treated that way. When someone asks if there is something wrong - it's best to lie and say no? You want respect.. then give the same. Again, where have I shown you disrespect? You want to continue the game by all means, but I will not offer assistance once I have been told to leave you alone. Again, I never said to leave me alone in the game - what I did say is let ME play my character.  I play to relax and have fun. and I wasn't afforded the same courtesy.  I have helped mass as he simply cant survive some stuff alone. Deejay as well. When the time came that my character was useful, I would have been more than happy to help. I truthfully have never in all my game playing had a response like yours. I've never had anyone try to dictate what my character was and wasn't going to do. So sorry if you feel offended by my attitude but once again.. you initiated this response.  I wouldn't say I'm offended as much as dismayed.

I then messaged my close friend and asked if he had anything to do with this person deleting me. A week passed with no response and I emailed him to see how he was getting along. During this time, I had no choice but to remove the other members of the group as it was too painful to watch them online interacting together. For asking my close friend if it was his doing that our friend deleted me, he said I was blaming him for this quarrel and my close friend deleted me out of his life permanently.  I wasn't blaming him, I was searching for facts.  Was it him who relayed the information incorrectly or the person that supposedly was afk when we had our conversation.   I asked and pleaded with him to Skype with me, he refused.

All I wanted to do was belong. I spent money on a game, instead of on food, just to belong.  Yes, I'm stressed and emotional. There is a lot of uncertainty in my life that is beyond my control. One thing I had control of was my character and that was threatened to be taken away, too. Yes, that's why I wanted to stay away from voice chat, as I know I'm emotional. A group of friends for nine months, let me go as if I never mattered.

Abbye

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