About Me

I'm a mother of 3 boys, but I lost my middle child in February 2012 when he was 22 years old. I don't hide that I have a host of mental health issues including severe anxiety.  

As a side note, I play a variety of games online and sometimes stream.

I can't sing at all, but I got in on the Closed Beta for Twitch sings. 
Twitch sings is now open to everyone! You should download it and give it a try.
It's karaoke on your computer - if you don't 'publish' it doesn't save the video!
Twitch sings was discontinued January 2021 :(

I've been suffering from continual headaches, facial pain and ear ringing since November 2017. I'm currently being seen at Mayo Clinic since my local neurologist was at a loss and decided to attribute my headaches to mental health. The recent MRI reveals I have Empty Sella Syndrome - but the first medicine isn't really helping. My cognitive abilities aren't really too sharp lately. So if I seem a bit slow, maybe it's the medicine Many days, I want to give up. This is in addition to my mental health battles that I've suffered with since a child.

I'm not any better. I've discontinued treatment as of January 15, 2020.
Alternative medicine is helping with my severe anxiety. 

Why the name "Nerds Don't Smile"

Supervisor: Smile when you are talking to the customers - it will come through the phone and they will hear it in your voice
Me: yeah OK I'll try to do better
Supervisor: Smile blah blah
Me: I AM really!!
Supervisor: Smile blah blah
Me: really Kristine, I am smiling I understand....
Supervisor: Smile.. Blah blah
Supervisor: HAHAHAHAHA
Supervisor: great call....
(never brought up smiling again)
I created a blog site and needed a name and I went with that.....

I'm determined to win. I've failed at suicide 5 times in my life.  

I have had some tough obstacles in my life.  One of the best ways I have found to get through the dark times is to write. Words easily flow, and most of my poems took less then 10 minutes to write. I started writing poetry when I was 15 years old, a freshman in High School. It is amazing how words, or rather, how words are perceived, can really have an affect on someone's life.

It was the spring of my Freshman year and I was invited, through my High School, to attend a big poetry workshop at a college. I was enormously proud of myself. I didn't feel supported or encouraged by my family. That really didn't matter; it was an accepted part of my life. I don't remember much from the workshop except a couple of things. 

One was a major point that was conveyed to the students. Poetry doesn't have to rhyme, and real poetry doesn't rhyme. At that point in my poetic pursuits, I liked my poetry to rhyme, and I still do, for the most part. I like the way it flows and how it makes sense to me. The second thing I remember was towards the end of the workshop our poetry that we had written was critiqued. 

I can accept constructive criticism, but I should be given the opportunity to offer an explanation. They weren't interested in me speaking at all. Perhaps there was more said, but the only thing I heard is how horrible my poem was because I had used the word bad instead of badly. She ruined my poem and my paper by striking through the word bad and writing badly, in pen!  I was devastated. I was made to feel so insignificant. I felt defeated.

I can't say that is the cause for sure, but every time I think about putting my poems together into a book, my mind drifts back to that poetry workshop and my confidence wanes. The thought of someone focusing on such a small aspect of what I consider to be raw emotion scrawled on a page debilitates me. This blog is one way for me to share my experiences through poems without the worry that someone will take a pen and mark through my choice of words because they are grammatically incorrect.  

The poems I post don't necessarily reflect my current state. They do however represent a time in my life. I usually don't include the date it was written because someone right now is going through and feeling the same emotions I felt at any particular moment. When a storm cloud appears, I can read back through my poems and assure myself that whatever I may be facing, there is hope that I will get through it and survive.      -Abbye

*If you know me personally, you will notice my real name on my blog was changed to Abbye for safety.
Now that I've published 3 books using my real name, safety has gone out the window.
I can't live in fear my entire life and I'm pretty sure over 2/3 of my life has already passed me by...

Join me on discord:    https://discord.gg/Xw6XdFf

View My IMDb profile: imdb.me/abbye

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